carp
by birdyful
Summary: Seize the day, since all I have is a fish and a legendary mountain hermit for company. Huzzah. [drabble fic, written for fun, Don't copy to another site or repost w/o permission.]
1. spawn

By the very grace of Arceus, this Magikarp could perform Bounce, Tackle, and Flail. But please explain this to me, and do so slow and clearly, how Arceus thought that it would help me survive on Mt. friggin Silver?

If this was a TV show, there would be a recording of [audience laughs] playing.

But this was no TV show, sadly. And it started out so G-rated as well, lulling me into a false sense of security and toxic arrogance.

However, that is the least of my worries right now, because Mt. Silver has a high altitude, and was therefore short on air and warmth.

It was so friggin cold.

I cannot emphasize enough you how cold it was. One moment I was fine, content temperature and humidity wise, the next instant I was standing in the snow with the temperature difference slamming into me like a belated Truck-kun. My vision spun and just as I tried to regain balance while hugging this around 10 kg fish for warmth, who shivered with me in concert, something tapped my shoulder. Millimeter by millimeter, I slowly rotated to preserve heat and energy into that direction. From the corner of my eye a fuzzy humanoid figure, much taller than me, became clearer and clearer until I faced him straight, still silent and shivering, wondering how the hell he wasn't freezing, simply motionless and blinking.

We continued to stare, me with Magikarp as backup, both sure to perish from hypothermia, and the other a statue of a human with just as much personality just… Looking. Playing elevator music behind his eyes. Not in the stupid sense, but in the 'not processing any coherent thoughts' sense. Or maybe it was surprise instead. I wouldn't know. I was too cold to think properly. Maybe this is how people in cold areas survive, by playing elevator music in your brain is how you save your intelligence for later.

I then blacked out. Turns out those blinking spots I saw weren't from the snowfall after all.


	2. late wisdom

"It's a miracle you survived." That was my greeting upon waking up again. A nurse scolding me as if very experienced on patients blacking out in the middle of a snowstorm. Maybe she was. "What were you thinking? Where in the world are your parents?!"

I opened my mouth to cough before dozing off again. Then I snapped my eyes open and tried to sit up, failing spectacularly with the number of blanket layers on my person. "Where's Magikarp and elevator music guy?"

She looked ready to explode, before deflating like a balloon who has given up on life, and closed her eyes, most likely counting to ten… Alright, twenty. Thirty. Nevermind, by the amount of time that has passed, probably a hundred.

"Young man," she said slowly and with a smile that promised pain behind cultivated politeness. "Your Magikarp will be fine now but he almost died, like you. I presume by elevator music guy you mean the Legendary Trainer Red. He was very concerned and is still waiting outside."

Wait, did she say 'man'? I closed my eyes and focused on breathing, not willing to open that can of worms right now.

Then she marched out of the door. Time passed. She marched right back with that exact same killer smile and elevator music guy, who I now noticed had a red vest and hat. Is this Red, as in the game or manga Red? Which version of the pokéverse am I in even? His face was still as blank as when I met him.

"This is Red," she said. "He will be acting as a League official during your questioning, as it is his right as an honorary ranger. Talk."

My brain must have rebooted because I auto-replied with a meme. "Miss, may I have my emotional support Magikarp please." The internet exists purely for your embarrassment, a pearl of wisdom that had arrived too late.

I don't think that shade of red was supposed to exist on someone's face.

Where's the beginner's luck that asshole promised?

* * *

**AN: Please don't fight in the review section.**


	3. no windows

There was a hidden disdain when she returned, but professional politeness had kicked in for management. A plastic wash basin was set on my lap, with Magikarp merrily blowing bubbles in it, seemingly oblivious to the atmosphere.

How I envied him. I poked him and he failed his tail slightly at me. Hehe. Magikarp felt slippery yet sturdy, the scales slightly… Bony? Hardened cartilage, maybe?

I looked up. The nurse was saying something, anything, really. I couldn't focus onto her words, I heard the words of which their meaning refused to reside in my mind. She was just making sounds. I watched her lips open and close, its corners always upwards and eyes crinkled. She had folded her hands onto her lap as she stood at my bedside, head tilted as she looked down. I saw her eyes. They were just irises and pupils surrounded by white. That's all eyes are, really. No 'window of the soul', bullshit. Have you ever just looked a professor in the eyes and glimpsed into his knowledge? Have you discerned innocents and criminals from their eyeballs alone?

The inflection of her sounds changed into that of a question. I nodded.

She nodded as well and then left.

I looked back to Magikarp. "I'll name you 'Diem'. I've just been calling you Magikarp the whole time."

"Karp?"

I closed its slightly gaping mouth. "I'm smart, trust me."

Red was still staring. I had wronged him. You can't recognize elevator music through eyes alone. You read the entire face and body.

Diem, I'm scared.

It nibbled my pinky finger, oblivious.


	4. knock knock

Even a mountain hermit had standards.

The fanfictions of him shivering on icy boulders were wrong!

Red had a very hospitable cave. In fact, it was almost too hospitable. He had a frickin' mansion built-in the mountain, complete with all the facilities one could wish for and complex machinery that whirred on their own, buttons lit and processing data. A Porygon-Z materialized out of a screen in front of us and did a happy dance midair.

Red nodded and sat down on the floor, dragging me down with him.

Porygon-Z then entered the screen again and a cartoon version of it appeared in front of a lecture board. A soft gender-neutral voice suddenly spoke. "Now that I given my report-"

That happy dance was a report?!

"-not battle outside the designated zones, no trespassing in restricted areas and private property, no stealing and inflicting severe injuries."

I looked down at Diem, who was too immersed in his very important mission of splashing icy water on my clothes with the greatest cheer possible to pay attention to the speaker, and back at the Porygon-Z.

"Welcome to Heart Silver Research Center," the pokémon continued. "I hope you enjoy your stay."

"How do I call you?"

The bright yellow and black circles slowly flattened into a short black stroke before returning to their original position. "Excuse me?"

"Uh… How do you want to be referred as? Do you have preferred pronouns or a name I could call you by?"

Short silence. Then the screen went black.

Red knocked me on the head like I was a door. A very creaky and annoying door.

At least the water from Diem's cheap plastic basin was warmer now.

* * *

**AN: Partly willfully forgot about this and partly cured my addiction to Magikarp Jump.**


End file.
